New Year, Old Delusional List of Things to Accomplish

Well it's good to know that i only got 3 things done in the last year, cause hey, 3 is better than 0... though 10 would have been even more so... so here it is again, now at 7. 7 things to do before the end of the year! Kinda hoping I at least get through one thing eh?

Learn to draw - some people say that practice makes perfect. Well, I've been attempting to draw the same stupid cake design for the past few weeks to no avail. (I'm a nerd, I like to design things that I'll end up eating in tears) It still looks horrible. Depressingly horrible. In some instances, it appears to be a foot with a dying bouquet of flowers on top. I'm sure if I could even glean some basic sense in lines and perception and what not, I may be able to create some decent design to work off of. 

Learn to play the guitar - even if it's just a couple of chords and figuring out that darned TAB, it'd be nice to know what that crazy 6 stringed thing is all about. And, isn't it like the foundation of every metro/emo/bohemian to know how to play the guitar? Luckily the roomie has one so I don't need to make a possibly regrettable purchase. (I also realized that being good at Guitar Hero does not make me good at a real guitar.... *sigh)

Find a job - oh how I really need one!! With HEALTH BENEFITS for sure! (Not really helping my case by not really actively throwing my resume out there)

Get into shape - or at some semblance of a shape that's not a pear or apple. It's on everyone's list so might as well be here.

Do some yoga classes - never been but for some reason I own a yoga mat. What does that say about my sloth?

Learn to dance - seems like I'm leaning towards ballet as it would maybe mix well with the yoga, though I do have thoughts of grandeur to become the next Ginger Rogers so maybe some crazy ballroom lessons... but I think I'd have to find a partner for that. I've never been one for legit dancing. Except for that time (check it, 3 times) that my mother sent me to Cotillion dance classes where I learned how to waltz, jitterbug and macarena before that crazy macarena song came out. I am a macarena queen.

Explore NYC - it's funny how I hear from people that have lived here for a long time that they haven't gone to certain places in the city. I don't want to be one of those. I met a sweet elderly man once who every Saturday with his wife would pick a spot on a map of New York City and then they'd go there. Wander the day away. He joked that he couldn't remember half the things he saw or tried in those place, but he was happy to have gone and known that "hey, that's what Governor's Island looks like."

Clean the apartment - It seems trivial, but who has seriously done a DEEP clean of their place? Taken a whole weekend and scrubbed, swept, aired out the entire place? Not to mention the things that uselessly pile up everywhere. I know there are some posters that just sit waiting to be chucked. And those acres of dresses that I keep that I should let go of.

Speed Date - Yes, that's right. Speed Date. But not just any old speed dating. Speed dating where I'll create a ridiculous cover story then attempt to alienate every sketchy older man who decided that this was the place to pick up a chick. I'd love to really be in a relationship, but I'm gonna use this opportunity to be the worst possible version of myself. What can that be? Any suggestions? Maybe I'll find my ballroom dance partner. heh heh.

Read the Bible - seems lame to say this, but it'd be nice to read it cover to cover without giving up and stashing it away in my bookcase next to all my film books. Come to think of it, I should probably re-read some of those. I'm not a very religious person, though I am Catholic, so it seems like the right time to get back into something that I was once fully committed to.

Double the Fun

Envision yourself in this scenario:
You are in a standoff or a hold-up or some type of gun fight. You and your opponent/captor/villain are facing off like in Face/Off.... Each pointing a gun at the other's head/heart/privates. All of a sudden, he pulls out a 2nd gun. Now he is holding 2 guns and you have just the one. Now what are you going to do?!




it takes 2 baby

 Odds are it won't effing matter. Because even though he's holding two guns, you still have the one. And one bullet hurts just as much as 2-10 depending on how fast and ambidextrous your opponent is.
There aren't many shows/films that utilize the awesomeness and subsequent absurdity of a person holding 2 guns. I mean really, one wasn't enough, how bout you take your investment in 2 expensive handguns and roll that into something more managable like a tommygun? More bang for your buck right?

Mr. Kilmer knows what i'm talking about

Well, let's induct another member to the the "I like to shoot with 2 guns" club.
Sean "Renaissance Man" Combs.
I FINALLY (after an entire summer) caught up with CBS' Hawaii Five-0, Sean played a tough as nails NYPD Detective who comes to Hawaii undercover to expose a criminal. Oh glorious catch! His wife is murdered and his son is almost killed too! So what does he do? With the help of HPD hotties, he tracks down the bad guys.

so believable as a cop....

Best use of a double gun since that horrible Boondock Saints sequel!




Our careers are flailing!! (let's not cross streams here)



Maybe it was the bullet proof vest that made him look more turtle and less badass. Or maybe it was his "alert" "crouched" "stance" as he pointed both guns at their villain. No, it was definitely when he shot the guy. With both guns. Like 6 times. Point. Blank. Hey, Mr. Combs...this isn't a drive by, most people will go down with just the one shot, 2 to be sure.

If you haven't seen Hawaii 5-0 yet, then I think you may be in the majority. And I pity you.

Lady Gaga's Return from Oz

I like Lady Gaga. She's great. Fun catchy music that I can bounce around to. I'm definitely not as well versed as some of my other friends in all of her songs, but I get by. Everyone knows her strange yet original sense of fashion and style and what not. I mean to each her own eh?

Well imagine my surprise when I happened upon her new album cover art.

OptimusGaga

WHAT THE?!!?

She's a motorcycle humanoid thing. Cool? Thinking for a moment "wow another fun original thing." Then it hit me. She's totally a poser! She just wants to be a part of that most awesomely bad/cool gang known as The Wheelers from the 1985 Return to Oz.

"hey baby, let's go for a ride."

If you haven't seen the film, no worries. You're not missing much. Well maybe a little. A tree that grows lunch pails!? An awesome furniture/moosehead creature called a Gump. Some creepy woman who switches out her head like hats. Oh, and a really young Faruza Balk playin Dorothy escaping a mental institution that's trying to electroshock that Oz outta her.

I mean I guess, going back to Gaga, it's come full circle now. Wearing an outfit of Kermit heads to wannabe Wheeler (Jim Henson's son Brian voiced Jack Pumpkinhead in Return to Oz).

What's next Lady? Pulling a David Bowie from Labryinth?



Your remind me of the babe



A Place Where Nobody Dared to Go

Oh but we dared to go there. And that place was called XANADU!!!

Imagine my glee when I perused my netflix list and saw that Xanadu was playing on Instant. Why of course I'll watch it now! The next 1 hour and 35 minutes were pure mind-numbing W.T.F.-ery.
Words cannot describe how aweful and good this film is. So good because it's extremely silly and seriously how does a person go from being a painter to opening a roller disco? Was she really sent from Olympus to inspire this roller rink? The Gods must be crazy.

Here's a brief rundown of this awesomely bad 80's film:
A down on his luck artist is inspired by one of the Greek muses to band together with some old dude who used to be a famous jazz clarinetist to open the world's most awesome roller disco rink named Xanadu. Music by Electric Light Orchestra. The End.

Human light-brite

Oh but wait! There's also a lovey-dovey sequence that's entirely animated and is reminscent of Ferngully. Everyone gets outlined in neon. Apparently Mt. Olympus is just one giant discoteque. And that old guy? It's Gene Kelly! Gene, singin' in the rain, Kelly! If you can wrap your head around that then nothing can phase you from this film. Except maybe the absurdity of that roller rink.

dude, no means no

The musical moments are either really cute (a la the cartoon sequence) or suuuppper weird (the rest of the film). Where did all those people come from? Why are they dancing like that? Are they being racist?!
The only fantastic moment was when they did a mash-up of a jazzy, Andrew sisters type song with an 80's punk song. Classic. Literally a precursor to Glee mash-ups.

Montage of weird songs!

I could go on and on about everything in this film. Like poor Gene Kelly.  But, watching the film for yourself would just be best.

You could like it so much that you get a tat like this one...

Oh yeah, the guy who plays Sonny was totally Swan in The Warriors... should have stuck with the gang films Sonny.

Would you rather build a roller rink or kick some ass?