Double the Fun

Envision yourself in this scenario:
You are in a standoff or a hold-up or some type of gun fight. You and your opponent/captor/villain are facing off like in Face/Off.... Each pointing a gun at the other's head/heart/privates. All of a sudden, he pulls out a 2nd gun. Now he is holding 2 guns and you have just the one. Now what are you going to do?!




it takes 2 baby

 Odds are it won't effing matter. Because even though he's holding two guns, you still have the one. And one bullet hurts just as much as 2-10 depending on how fast and ambidextrous your opponent is.
There aren't many shows/films that utilize the awesomeness and subsequent absurdity of a person holding 2 guns. I mean really, one wasn't enough, how bout you take your investment in 2 expensive handguns and roll that into something more managable like a tommygun? More bang for your buck right?

Mr. Kilmer knows what i'm talking about

Well, let's induct another member to the the "I like to shoot with 2 guns" club.
Sean "Renaissance Man" Combs.
I FINALLY (after an entire summer) caught up with CBS' Hawaii Five-0, Sean played a tough as nails NYPD Detective who comes to Hawaii undercover to expose a criminal. Oh glorious catch! His wife is murdered and his son is almost killed too! So what does he do? With the help of HPD hotties, he tracks down the bad guys.

so believable as a cop....

Best use of a double gun since that horrible Boondock Saints sequel!




Our careers are flailing!! (let's not cross streams here)



Maybe it was the bullet proof vest that made him look more turtle and less badass. Or maybe it was his "alert" "crouched" "stance" as he pointed both guns at their villain. No, it was definitely when he shot the guy. With both guns. Like 6 times. Point. Blank. Hey, Mr. Combs...this isn't a drive by, most people will go down with just the one shot, 2 to be sure.

If you haven't seen Hawaii 5-0 yet, then I think you may be in the majority. And I pity you.

Lady Gaga's Return from Oz

I like Lady Gaga. She's great. Fun catchy music that I can bounce around to. I'm definitely not as well versed as some of my other friends in all of her songs, but I get by. Everyone knows her strange yet original sense of fashion and style and what not. I mean to each her own eh?

Well imagine my surprise when I happened upon her new album cover art.

OptimusGaga

WHAT THE?!!?

She's a motorcycle humanoid thing. Cool? Thinking for a moment "wow another fun original thing." Then it hit me. She's totally a poser! She just wants to be a part of that most awesomely bad/cool gang known as The Wheelers from the 1985 Return to Oz.

"hey baby, let's go for a ride."

If you haven't seen the film, no worries. You're not missing much. Well maybe a little. A tree that grows lunch pails!? An awesome furniture/moosehead creature called a Gump. Some creepy woman who switches out her head like hats. Oh, and a really young Faruza Balk playin Dorothy escaping a mental institution that's trying to electroshock that Oz outta her.

I mean I guess, going back to Gaga, it's come full circle now. Wearing an outfit of Kermit heads to wannabe Wheeler (Jim Henson's son Brian voiced Jack Pumpkinhead in Return to Oz).

What's next Lady? Pulling a David Bowie from Labryinth?



Your remind me of the babe



A Place Where Nobody Dared to Go

Oh but we dared to go there. And that place was called XANADU!!!

Imagine my glee when I perused my netflix list and saw that Xanadu was playing on Instant. Why of course I'll watch it now! The next 1 hour and 35 minutes were pure mind-numbing W.T.F.-ery.
Words cannot describe how aweful and good this film is. So good because it's extremely silly and seriously how does a person go from being a painter to opening a roller disco? Was she really sent from Olympus to inspire this roller rink? The Gods must be crazy.

Here's a brief rundown of this awesomely bad 80's film:
A down on his luck artist is inspired by one of the Greek muses to band together with some old dude who used to be a famous jazz clarinetist to open the world's most awesome roller disco rink named Xanadu. Music by Electric Light Orchestra. The End.

Human light-brite

Oh but wait! There's also a lovey-dovey sequence that's entirely animated and is reminscent of Ferngully. Everyone gets outlined in neon. Apparently Mt. Olympus is just one giant discoteque. And that old guy? It's Gene Kelly! Gene, singin' in the rain, Kelly! If you can wrap your head around that then nothing can phase you from this film. Except maybe the absurdity of that roller rink.

dude, no means no

The musical moments are either really cute (a la the cartoon sequence) or suuuppper weird (the rest of the film). Where did all those people come from? Why are they dancing like that? Are they being racist?!
The only fantastic moment was when they did a mash-up of a jazzy, Andrew sisters type song with an 80's punk song. Classic. Literally a precursor to Glee mash-ups.

Montage of weird songs!

I could go on and on about everything in this film. Like poor Gene Kelly.  But, watching the film for yourself would just be best.

You could like it so much that you get a tat like this one...

Oh yeah, the guy who plays Sonny was totally Swan in The Warriors... should have stuck with the gang films Sonny.

Would you rather build a roller rink or kick some ass?

Tofurkey is such a liar

I'm all game for making tofu into something it's not. A brick, replica of an adobe pueblo, animal shapes. But I must say, tofurkey was the biggest disappointment ever. Not only what I hoping for a giant turkey shaped piece of tofu, but I thought, how funny would that be that I served that and people would be too polite to point out it tasted really weird. Like tofu weird.

No. I was wrong.

Don't know how long ago it was. But I do remember the sharp pang of WTF as I walked around the grocery store looking to make the funniest dinner gag ever. What I found was a cube sized box, and what I found inside the box looked like this:

nestling it in a bed of veggies doesn't make it anymore appealing

That's not tofurkey! What is that?! what's in that?! It's like some giant alien egg that'll end up popping out of your chest later.

"omg it was the tofurkey!"

Anyways, disappointed that it didn't actually look like this fake turkey, but it did taste pretty awesome.

not sure what's happening with that stuffing

What other things do you think tofu could be made into? Tobeef? Tofish, tofeal?

Well it's been a while.. gummi whaa?!

I started reading someone else's blog today and realized, holy crap! i forgot i had one.
Massive fail on my part.

Anyways. Quick thought. Did you know gummi bears (Haribo brand to be exact) contain gelatin? And most gummi products do as well? thanks patrick. now i'm grossed out. For those of you who don't know what's in gelatin, I direct you to HERE.

Of course knowing what it is, may not stop me from eating Haribo bears/peaches/worms what have you. Probably yes... :(

But on the upside, I'll just start eating vegan ones instead... skeptical on those too as I'm pretty sure boiled bones are what make gummi bears so damn good.

well not human bones

As i just posted that picture, I realized Jell-O also has gelatin in it... blech! i guess no more jell-o shots either.

Now if only gelatin products were made out of these:

I would totally eat that

Pants on the Ground (or how i learned that trends will never die)

Needless to say, it's been a pretty frigid time of the year. Consistently, the temperature has been below freezing, or if it hasn't, the windchill has made it so. On the days that it reaches above 35 degrees, it's like summer.

My general routine for a normal business day is:
a) walk to the subway down the west side of Lenox Ave.
b) subway to 66th St.
c) temp
d) walk to 72nd St.
e) subway to 116th St.
f) walk up east side of lenox ave. and across to my apt.

When it's freezing outside, it takes almost twice as long to accomplish this day as I am struggling not to cry while I walk to the subway.

While accomplishing "F" in my travels one day, I noticed I was walking behind a person about my age. He was swaggering quite well, and all I could think was "wow he must be some sort of badass."
Nope.
For the 5 slow minutes it took for me to wait for the light and walk across the street, I realized that the swagger this "badass" in front of me was doing was actually a very intricate walk almost akin to a "pee pee dance."

Remember in the 90s till maybe 5 or 6 years ago when it was all the rage for dudes to let their pants hang a little?
Remember when it got really ridiculous and you were only really cool if you didn't even try to pull them over your butt? I thought this "I'm really cool so I wear my pants halfway up" style had gone out the window. Apparently I was wrong.

This man/boy/person walking ahead of me was definitely rocking the look. I normally would look away/avert my eyes/think of puppies and kitties, but I could not look away. Mainly for the following reasons:
1) it was about -10 outside and very windy
2) his pants were definitely sitting under his butt cheeks
3) his pants were not draggin on the ground which meant he deliberately got short legged jeans for this
4) his boxers had little spongebob squarepants all over them

I guess no matter what century or decade you're in, someone's going to have their pants hanging too low.

But, the one big thing that really got me was the realization that that badass swagger was a really clever ploy to keep his pants up. He looked so cool, but he walked like a bow-legged cowboy, and the only purpose it served was to keep his trousers up. I never noticed that growing up. But I guess as you get older, you start seeing things more clearly or at least start figuring out the obvious... like the term "brown nosing"... seriously I just figured out what it originally references...

Easy Peasy Mac n Cheesy

I'd like to share one of the more relaxing and comfort foody recipes that's great for anytime!

Macaroni and Cheese:
It's such a comforting dish. It goes great with pretty much any main dish (many times it's great just on its own as a meal). Kids and adults love it.

The first time I had macaroni and cheese, I was in elementary school. I went over to a friend's home and for dinner we had mac n cheese from the box with chicken. It was glorious. The texture of the creamy cheese sauce and those little macaroni pastas were awesome! The chunks of grilled chicken that were mixed in added the perfect amount of savory protein to the meal.
Being raised in an Asian household, I never really started out eating the stuff that other kids my age would eat. Sure I'd have a hot dog or what not but never really those quintessential things that kids ate growing up. I got introduced to pudding and yogurt when I was in high school.
But macaroni and cheese really stuck with me. Out of that first taste, I became obssessed with cheese. I am still insane about the stuff and try to buy a different and new cheese every other week. I feel like Wakko from Animaniancs and his "Cheese from around the world" song.


Below is a basic recipe for Macaroni and Cheese, but before that, a couple things on the ingredients you're putting together...


For starters, this isn’t your average macaroni and cheese. The only thing that comes from a box is the pasta itself. Basic ingredients are generally pasta, cheese, butter, milk. I add sauteed onions and a little flour. The onions really add something to overall flavor. I abhor the use of breadcrumbs before you pop it in the oven. I understand it soaks up the oil that comes out of the cheese, but it's gross. It gets mushy, and the texture is not really my jam. But if you like them, sprinkle some panko breadcrumbs on top. They're the better choice, and don't overdo it. And for those that are lactose intolerant or vegan, there's an easy button for that.


Milk & Butter - 
I mix and match when it comes to the dairy used in mac n cheese. I've started to use skim milk because I use WAY too much cheese and feel like I'm making this slightly less heart-clogging. But, if you want decadent cheese sauce, I'd aim high and go with heavy cream. It really thickens the cheese which mean you can use just a tad less flour to get it nice and creamy. Otherwise, any grade of milk is fine, and on occasion when I ran out of milk, I've used half and half which does the trick nicely. Butter is essential. It's gross to think how much is used, but don't think, just eat. Any will do.
You can absolutely sub in soy milk for the real milk, but use ORIGINAL. Nothing is grosser than "vanilla" flavored mac.... blech. And if you're going that route, get vegan cheese and vegan butter. It actually works quite well. I love using vegan butter/spread. It holds up well, and I've started using it in everything that calls for butter. If only I could easily find it in sticks!

Flour - 
All-purpose flour works great. Though on occasion, you can use a bit of cornstarch. This is your thickening agent to turn your "cheese soup" into a yummy sauce (or roux if you want to go all technical). You can definitely add more or less flour, but be careful, too much flour can turn your sauce lumpy and it will have a distinctive mealy texture and taste.

Pasta -
I'm going to have to tout the macaroni as the ONLY pasta you should be using for this dish. It's called mac n cheese for a reason. Some people think they're cool using rotini, ziti, fusili, tagliatelle, orrechiette, and other pastas that usually end with me pronouncing them in a Mario Bros. voice. Macaroni is perfect. Small with a hole. It soaks up the cheese sauce, and it's easy to evenly mix the sauce in as well. Also, it's aesthetically pleasing. A friend of mine makes fun of the fact that I talk about plating a dish like it's important. Well it is. Sorry dude. If it looks like it was meant for a puppy, chances of it being consumed go from 92% to 19%. That goes for the cranberry sauce in a can... mash it up please! Don't just let it slide out of the can and serve it like it's some can-shaped Jell-O.... Anyways, nothing makes you think of home and good, warm, fuzzy times like a casserole dish filled with macaroni and cheese.
Any kind of macaroni is great. I love using ones made of rice. The upside is that they cook faster, the downside is that they get overdone if you're not paying attention. But, undercook them just a tad and then it'll soak up that cheese sauce like no one's business. Essentially, if you use rice pasta, you got yourself some homemade "Annie's" microwave mac n cheese.

Cheese - 
It is out of control awesome. I love cheese. I'll go into that in another post at another time. For mac n cheese you have to go with the staple cheddar. Yellow, white, sharp, mild, whatever. If you want a fast dish, just use the one cheese. But if you're feeling adventurous, mix it up. Gruyere is my add on cheese cause it is just soooo tasty and has that amazing smoky kind of flavor. Or add a little pecorino or something similar. It changes the flavor which is fantastic. I once, in a fit of indecision, bought some ricotta to mix in the sauce. Interesting flavor but tasty! Buy it pre shredded or shred it yourself. Try to keep the shredded cheese on the small side, like if you used a microplane. This helps it melt a lot easier, thus creating a creamy, fondue-like sauce. (In some instances you could probably make the cheese sauce from the recipe for fondue.) And as pointed out earlier, vegan cheese is good for those lactose intolerant peeps. 

Salt and pepper - 
I love pepper so am always quite liberal with it, but salt, oh salt, you salty salt. Be careful when salting to taste. One minute it may taste delightful, but you will be cooking down the sauce just a little bit and the cheese already has some savoriness in it. So, just a word of caution because your dish may go from glorious to "oh my god!!!! it's like eating a handful of salt!" and then your mouth will curl into your jaw and you'll look like that guy from that Indiana Jones movie.


Basic Macaroni and Cheese
(Serves 6-8 as a side dish)

1 box - Macaroni pasta
2-3 tablespoons - butter
1/4 cup - diced onions (preferably yellow)
1 1/2 Tb. - All-purpose flour
1/2 cup- 3/4 cup - milk
2-4 cups - shredded cheese + 1/2 cup for garnish (this is a ballpark amount as I add at will until I get the consistency I like)
Salt and pepper, to taste

1 large casserole dish or pyrex (around 9x11)

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. 
2. Cook the macaroni according to the instructions on the box for al dente.
3. When the pasta is al dente, drain and set aside in a large mixing bowl.
4. For the sauce: In a medium saucepan over a medium heat, melt the butter and then sauté the onions until softened.
5. With a whisk, slowly add the flour into the butter/onion mixture. Make sure you whisk constantly until all the flour is incorporated into the butter and there are no lumps. (You just made a roux! yay!)
6. Still whisking, add the milk. Continue to stir until milk is hot but not boiling.
7. In small handfuls, add the cheese. Whisk cheese into milk mixture until completely blended. (You may initially see clumping and sticking to the whisk, but just constantly whisk and it will all go away).
8. Continue to add cheese until it reaches a smooth consistency and the thickness of just made hot oatmeal.
9. Salt and pepper to taste.
10. Remove the cheese sauce from the heat and let stand for about 5 minutes to slightly thicken.
11. Pour cheese sauce over macaroni. Make sure to scrape all the sauce out, you don't want to waste any of that precious liquid gold.
12. Using a spatula or wooden spoon, mix the macaroni and cheese sauce. Make sure to break up any clumps of pasta that are stuck together.
13. Pour macaroni and cheese into the casserole dish.
14. Sprinkle 1/2 cup of remaining cheese over the top of the dish (you can now add some breadcrumbs if you'd like.)
15. Place dish in oven and bake for 20-25 minutes until the top is bubbling. (This gives the macaroni time to soak up all that delicious sauce.)
16. Remove and enjoy! But be careful it's wayyyyy hot! 

And there you go, some mac n cheese just for you. Overall timing for prep and cooking is about 35-45 minutes, you'll get faster as you make the dish more often.

Also, you can skip putting it in the oven if you like a creamy "just out of the box" mac n cheese. And play with cheeses, you'd be surprised at all the tasty variations you can make.

What are some of your favorite comfort-y foods?